Impossible, Yet Counterintuitive

Wow.

This has got to be the sadest things I've read in a while:


“I don’t want anything. We. We don’t want anything.”

“Well how about—“

“Stop it!” Gerard exploded, standing up. Mikey looked as surprised as Brian felt. “Just stop it!”

It was funny, actually, how much easier it was to keep his temper now that Brian planned to be in it for the long haul. “Stop what?” he asked mildly. “Stop being nice to you?”

“Yes!” Gerard snapped.

Brian just barely stopped himself from rolling his eyes. “Gerard,” he said, “that’s pretty unreasonable.”

“I don’t care,” Gerard said furiously. “I don’t want you to be nice to us. I want you to go away.”

“My house,” Brian pointed out.

Gerard stomped his foot. “I don’t care!” he yelled again. “Stop it! Leave me alone!”

“Stop being nice to you?”

“Yes!” Gerard took a deep breath. He was on the verge of tears , Brian realized suddenly, but they were clearly tears of frustration.

Last night, when he was upset, he started telling me things, Brian thought, and deliberately pushed. “Why can’t I be nice to you and Mikey?” he asked, dropping his voice.

“Because,” Gerard said, desperately upset, “the nice ones always go away.” His voice broke and he crossed his arms tightly across his chest.

Brian felt like he’d been punched. “I’m not going anywhere,” he said.

“You can’t promise that,” Gerard whispered. He wiped tears off his cheek with the back of his hand. “Mr. Rossi was nice and he had a heart attack. The Edwards were nice and they decided to adopt someone else and we had to leave. Our parents were nice and they never came home. You can’t promise anything.”

Oh, Jesus. Brian had really hoped to have a few more days before this kind of storm broke. “Gerard,” he said. “I—“

“I don’t want your stuff and I don’t want your house and I don’t want you,” Gerard said, almost sobbing. “You have to stop being so nice to us all the time. It isn’t – it isn’t nice. It’s like teasing or something, and I know you’re gonna call the cops to come and get us and I – I – I—“ he hiccupped for breath “—and I know it
isn’t fair to Mikey, either, but we can’t go back to him and I—“

Brian stepped across the room and grabbed Gerard, drawing him in to a hug. Gerard pushed him away for a second, and then just collapsed, like a puppet with cut strings, sobbing against Brian’s neck. They ended up awkwardly kneeling on the floor, Brian holding Gerard up with an arm around his back and the other rubbing soothingly against Gerard’s neck.

Twice in a day, Brian thought. This had better not be a pattern. “Hey,” he said, looking pastGerard to Mikey, who was sitting up with wide, terrified eyes. “It’s gonna be okay.”

“No it’s not,” Gerard wailed. “Nothing is okay. Nothing is ever, ever okay.”

There wasn’t much Brian could say to that, so he didn’t try. Mikey, however, climbed out of bed and came over to join them. He put his arms around his brother’s neck, and Brian backed off to let him take over. “It’s okay, Gee,” Mikey said softly. “I feel better, and Brian’s the good kind of nice. Okay?”

The weirdest part, Brian decided, was that as overwhelmed and terrified as he felt in the face of a crying kid, he was just as sure as ever that he’d made the right decision. Gerard needed people to be nice to him, and someone to help him take care of Mikey. Mikey needed someone to help him take care of Gerard.

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I read that, and my heart just melted away, because two orphaned brothers? Just so sad.