Still Campaigning For My Life

I am going to bare my darkest secrets in this post, for I feel I cannot handle the pressure of keeping everything in anymore, and I just need people to know. I don't care if nobody types in the chatbox, or IMs me, or even looks at my blog. I just want to to be out in the open.

I'm beginning to rediscover my faith after all these years. Thanks to so many people from the wonderful Christian Fellowship at SMKSU, I have something, finally, something to believe in again.

My life has had its ups and downs, many downs which I wish never had happened, including my mother's hatred for my father after discovering his affair with a friend of his, and their almost divorce. Divorce. A word every child, teenager or adult should never know. Sadly, I know it very well, and just two years ago I was torn between the choice of my mother or my father. My sister was only ever happy to go back to her roots, my Chinese family in Perak, but I, I just... it was a choice that didn't entirely belong to me.

These fights over the years led up to just more and more heartbreak, until I couldn't even take it anymore. I cried every night, and it was just too painful to bear. My sister, I was concerned about, but other than that, my life practically had no meaning. Then, they reconciled last year.

This year, it started again. And this year I found out about my dad's unfaithfulness to my mother. Wrath caused me to release my anger on the mirror hanging on the wall , and my hand hurt so bad after. Even after the wounds closed, I could still feel the sting when I found out.

Time after time I messed up, screwed up, strifed and got into trouble. I'm basically an unlucky person.

But, worse, now.

Why does eveything bad happen to me? I don't know, I just don't know anymore.

My uncle has only months to live, after finding out he had an unoperable tumour lodged deep in his brain. Even as I type this, I feel tears building up behind my eyes. I am typing this as my mother and sister are at the grocery store, and my father at my cousins' house, and I must finish before she returns.

Oh no. She's back. I will finish this later. But for now, I will close with a message.



I'm sorry.